Last night a conversation with Little A triggered a memory I have long overlooked. I was explaining to him how my late father used to be very strict on me during our english and math lessons at home. I told Little A how that did not discourage me, in fact it made me even more determined to prove myself better, and that I would study really hard just to show him that I could. I told Little A how once, when I was in high school, my English essay got picked to be one of the best essays. I told him how when I went home, I brought the essay with me and showed it to his late grandfather. With pride nonetheless. I told Little A I gave my essay to him.
Little A then asked me.
'Where did he keep it?'
This question was like a big pang to my memory. I then remembered how my father used to keep the cards I gave him. Secretly. Without me even knowing. I can't recall when I actually found his stash, but when I found it I was a little surprised and flattered. He kept, all the handmade cards I could remember I ever made for him, inside this small drawer in his cupboard. I never knew he actually really cared about those cards that much, let alone having kept them. But there they were, in a stash, inside his drawer.
The sight of his stash of cards flashed through my memory like a sudden bolt of nostalgia. And I could not help but feel that helpless sense of forgetting something important, but having lost every chance to grab it back. I wondered where that essay paper went to. Did I really let him keep it? If so, did he keep it somewhere safe? And where are the cards now?
When he passed, everything was a blur. Everything flashed by very quickly, while I was still struggling to catch up with the fact that he was suddenly gone. All the more important bits were taken care of, and all the more significant things were brought along.
But really, what of the less important things? Like his stash of memorabilia.
I realized it was now about 10 years too late for me to think about that important stash of his. And suddenly I missed him so very much.
My late Father.
May Allah grant him ease in the hereafter. May he be placed among the righteous, and may we be reunited in Jannah. Aameeen.